Samples - The Coach's Wife
“I wouldn’t want to be a coach’s wife. You would never see your husband. A coach has to work with his
team all hours of the day, plus nights, and weekends. Coaches have to constantly encourage the players, help
them with their problems, and guide them. In reality, a coach becomes for many a second parent. A coach’s
duty is to instill commitment for the rugged training a victorious athlete must endure. The coach anguishes
over injuries, benched players, and grieves over those that never compete to their full potential. No, I’d never
want to be a coach’s wife.”
As I overheard the conversation concerning the hardships of a coach’s family, I had to agree and
even add, “Welcome to my world for that’s what campus ministry is all about.”
As a spiritual coach’s wife for many years, I feel qualified to speak on this fast-paced, wonderful and
simultaneously chaotic lifestyle. Tim and I have managed to raise children, attend a regular congregation,
and lead a somewhat normal, though hectic, lifestyle while ministering to three college campuses. Along the
way we’ve birthed many spiritual sons and daughters who continue to serve the Kingdom. God has graciously allowed
us to see much of the fruit of our years of labor.
From 32 years in the bleacher section I have observed:
- A good coach loves his team. My husband, Tim, is a good coach. He pours himself into the student leaders. He spends many hours teaching, counseling, praying, and even provoking them to model Christ in their non-Christian campus environment. “Love is the gift of oneself,” said Jean Anouilk, and nowhere is that love more evident than in the life of a coach. Likewise the coach’s wife models faithfulness in her charge of household and family. A good example is the lady of Proverbs 31 “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” (Vs. 11 NIV). She gives loyal supportive allegiance to her coach husband. For example, Tim has suicide watch every fall when the sororities pick their sisters. While he watches, I pray. He serves as the hospital chaplain, if I can’t go with him on visits, I pray. When he baptizes someone into Christ, I am there to assist, to embrace, and to pray.
- A good coach leads his team. Tim puts forth efforts beyond the minimum. He models energy in his early 50s that impress the younger crowd. After 19 years at the University of Georgia, we are now older than the parents of the incoming freshmen. As an “old married couple” we strive to model kindness, fidelity, and a unified purpose for our lives. Students from good homes miss their families. Students who are not from good homes crave a family atmosphere. I have given out recipes (mostly to male students), hemmed pants, and demonstrated how to thread a sewing machine, cut up a chicken, and freeze vegetables. I’ve typed papers, babysat, and cooked chicken and dumplings for someone needing a touch of “mom.” In small groups I’ve tried to incorporate the P31 lady who “. speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” (Vs. 26).
- A good coach learns from his team. A coach becomes in sync with the team’s weaknesses and strengths. Tim often remarks that the spring missions’ trip to Juarez, Mexico brings forth leadership. Through rigorous schedules, harsh climates, primitive living conditions and out-of-their-comfort zone living, the crème de la crème rises to the top and solid characters are produced. In service, students learn to give, not to receive, but to obey Christ’s commands. I’ve gone on only one of these trips, but it was a life changing experience. The student leaders who unselfishly served won my admiration. The week of the trip marks my most intensive week of prayer for I seek to “ . . . bring him good not harm all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:12 NIV).
- A good coach laughs with the team, rejoicing in victories and weeping over the losses. Every year Tim marries couples that have found their mates in our ministry. At Christmas, we get cards with our “spiritual grandchildren’s pictures” on them. On rare occasions, we are called upon to attend a student’s death or the death of a parent. Even the hardships mold the team and allow each other the freedom to be human. Many times with my hands in dough or soapy dishwater, a student has confided some innermost dream or fear. It is in these moments I pray to be clothed with “strength and dignity” so that I “can laugh at the days to come.” (Proverbs 31:25 NIV).
- A good coach labors for eternity. Exciting times are on the horizon for campus ministry. Every year more students go to mission fields from campus ministry than any other source. Tim spends time arming students with scriptures to help them face the challenges of other cultures, beliefs, and lifestyles. We strive to stay abreast of current events, music, movies, and politics in order to discuss concerns with students we come in contact with. Campus ministers as well as their wives are “on call” for the students 24-7 to listen, pray, teach, challenge, counsel, fellowship, or just “hang out.”
The college years are crucial years because in this short span a life mate is chosen and often so is a career. These are
critical times of forging life patterns in a multicultural, sometimes hostile environment.
The coach calls the plays, but the under coaches (of which the coach’s wife is one) carry out his direction. They
know by his example that he cares for them. They respect his wisdom, because they’ve seen his scars. They’ve seen him
gracefully lose and humbly win.
The friend I overheard still wouldn’t want to be a coach’s wife, but I can’t imagine any other life. Where else can I be on the
cutting edge of social, political, and cultural events and have opportunity to shape the future? The rewards come at varying times
and seasons, but they do come.
Part of our reward is seeing prom queens become math professors and statisticians. Timid geeks transform into
engineering knights with a slide rule tucked in their sword hilt. Introverts bloom; extroverts take on servant hood.
The family circle grows larger and still there is room. Students make a first commitment to Christ and are immersed.
Others recommit or deepen their childhood faith. The weak become strong; the strong face their vulnerabilities.
And I, the coach’s wife, am there for the unfolding of every scene. A background player. A supporting cast
member. Even a chief cook and bottle washer. I wouldn’t trade my position with the Queen of England. I have
the best seat in the stadium.
